Life

Slow Dancing With My Regret

We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t make mistakes. Lately I feel like I’ve made a pile of mistakes, but in the moment of time where I was pouring my heart and soul into something I believed in I didn’t care which way it was received. I crossed my own boundaries to see other people smile. I looked up at what seemed to be a magical moment, an unfolding masterpiece only to realize how much of myself I was setting aside just to please someone who wasn’t looking back at me the same way.

The last six months I’ve been putting myself out there more than I ever have before. I left the gates of my heart wide open and became vulnerable. When I woke up to find the only person I truly had in this world was myself, I began to rearrange my focus.

Sometimes getting mad helps you to be motivated. Sometimes having a moment where you realize nothing is actually what it seems to be changes the way you see the world. It changes your perspective. It forces you to change your focus. Recently a friend of mine reminded me of a very important message I’ve failed to live by lately. He said to me, “You have to begin looking at the people in your life and ask yourself if THEY are deserving of YOU. Not the other way around. Your light is so bright that most people only want to dim it. I really don’t think you see that.”

The truth is that I wasn’t seeing that. I was continually getting beaten down and torn apart. I still believed in myself and all that I am capable of, but I lost my sense of worth. Recently someone very close to me told me that I’m too complicated to be love and there is no sense in trying to understand me. This remark was like a dagger to my heart. I think I cried for about 5 hours then shook it off, went to sleep and then partied the next day. Made some odd choices by rebelling and living out how I was feeling. I don’t regret that.

What I regret is not distancing myself from people like this sooner. I regret letting his hateful words sink into my soul so deep that it shook me to the core. I regret not giving myself the credit I deserve. I regret doubting myself in trying times. I believe that everything that happens to us is for our benefit. These events or circumstances help form us to be braver, stronger, and wiser people.  We shouldn’t dwell on the past or what has happened. We should embrace every moment, every feeling, and then set it free so we can move on with peace in our hearts.

Throughout my life I have woken up with so much regret, so much doubt and over time I began not to trust myself. I’ve poured myself out there. I’ve been transparent. I’ve been vulnerable. I’ve trusted people who gave me no reason to. I have forgiven people instantly no matter the pain they’ve caused me. So why would I regret anything if I chose to live this way?

Because, it made me feel foolish.

There is something about feeling like a complete and utter fool that makes you stop and think about everything you’ve done to lead you to that point.

STOP for second. Look at what you’ve done and said. Pick through the good and bad. Learn from your mistakes. Pick up those tools to help you be a better person in the day in come and move on. Life is short. There is no need to feel guilty. Take what you’ve learned through your mistakes to make you a better person. That’s all any of us can do is continue to work on being better humans. We all fall down sometimes, but it is up to you to pick yourself back up and carry on.

Give yourself some credit for all the amazing things you’ve done and for being such a strong and unique person. There will never be another person like you. So let’s all just drop our weapons and create inner and outer peace to make this world a better place.

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Image via We Heart It

    

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