Relationships

The Emotionally Unavailable and Me, a Dreadful Love Story

I am trying to get to the bottom of something and I need your help. You see, its been years upon years of dating and ditching, loving and running, burning desire to, “Why does this feel like a one-way road and I’m hauling a massive load of crap with me?” I am trying to figure out, is it just me or is every guy I become attracted to emotionally unavailable? I was lying awake in bed last night thinking about how the last couple guys I’ve dated and the last few men I have been attracted to were so completely emotionally unavailable. What is this all about?

Am I projecting some kind of message that I am emotionally shut down, screwed up, jaded, uninterested, or straight up cold?

I really hope not, but they say you attract what you are. The thought alone is frightening. If that statement is true then I have some serious work to do. I don’t want to continue to attract emotionally, physically, uninterested, unavailable men anymore. Who has time for that? Obviously I do since I have allowed much of my time to be consumed by this sort of nonsense. That is what it is, nonsense.

Why do we chase after, settle for, sucome to emotionally unavailable people when it comes to relationships? Don’t I know that I deserve the very best and to be with someone who matches my love, attention, affection, and commitment without question? Surely I do, but what if deep down I doubt that very thing because of how hurt I have been in my past. Sometimes people are so afraid of true happiness because they ache at the thought of being hurt again.

There are times when life absolutely sucks, but shutting off and turning away from people doesn’t get you anywhere. The only chance we have at truly falling in love with anyone is by opening our hearts and trusting our instinct every step of the way. My rule has always been to remain aware of my initial feeling about someone or a situation and trusting that fully. Have I stuck by that every time? Uh, no. It is just something I wholeheartedly believe in and try to stick to it the best I can.

The trouble is that we aren’t allowing ourselves to feel and its a chance you kind of have to take if you want to experience real joy.

Is that why so many of us are alone, glued to our phones, seeking a deeper connection, but the strongest one we have is with our Wifi or Internet provider? I don’t have the answers, but the number of people who are depressed, mentally ill, hooked on drugs and alcohol, and feeling incredibly lost in life, has increased drastically in recent years. Coincidence? I think not. In fact, I don’t believe in coincidences at all.

Where do we go from here? How do I attract someone who isn’t so emotionally shut down? If I want to change what I am attracting in my life I suppose I should start with myself. If you are reading this and can relate; if you are going through something similar such as attracting emotionally unavailable men (or women) or being drawn to someone who can’t give you all the things you want and need in life, then just know, you are not alone. There are far too many of us struggling with the same thing and rarely speaking up about it.

If you’re in a relationship right now with someone who fails to communicate with you, sets you aside as anything other than a priority, doesn’t give you the love, commitment, or loyalty you deserve, then its time to change things up and flip the script. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t appreciate you or at least meet you in the middle in every area of your relationship. I’m good at being alone, I’ve been alone for a very long time and if someone doesn’t meet me in the middle, alone is right where I want to be.

Anyone who wastes your time is someone who does not deserve your time in the first place.

Dating or attempting to date someone who plays with your emotions can impair your wellbeing and let me just tell you, there is not a person on this planet worth sacrificing your mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual health. Not sorry.

Let’s look for a moment at the traits of an emotionally balanced person.

  1. Decisive. This means they don’t go back and forth, back and forth, (omg I know!) back and forth on decision making. They gather their thoughts and make a decision and stick to it.
  2. Has a greater purpose in life other than themselves
  3. Expresses of they feel rather than bottling up their emotions
  4. Has a few close friends they feel comfortable being themselves around
  5. Takes responsibility for their words and actions
  6. Constantly focused on personal growth
  7. Keeps an open mind to other views and perspectives
  8. Shows signs of resilience and is able to bounce back from a setback
  9. Isn’t judgemental
  10. Has a calm demeanor

How to Attract an Emotionally Mature Person

  1. Decide exactly what it is that you want, declare it, and make it known. Don’t keep what you want some tip top secret . How can you possibly manifest what you want if you don’t put it out there in the universe? 
  2. When you do meet someone you like, ask all the right questions (Are you married? Do you have kids? What do you do for a living? Where are you from? What are your hobbies? What’s your credit score? You know, the important stuff.)
  3. Have your own thing going on and stay focused on what you are passionate about
  4. Take good care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health
  5. Stay active. No one likes a mopey Joe.
  6. Listen to people attentively and be present when you’re out and about
  7. If you go on a date with someone new, dress appropriately
  8. Be patient. Good things take time.
  9. Try your best to be positive no matter how frustrating things can get
  10. Keep your promises, secrets, and plans
  11. Express your appreciation and gratitude
    

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