Why Do We Settle in Relationships When We Know We Deserve More

Too often times when we get into a relationship, we stop asking for more of what we need from that person and instead we settle for the bare minimum of what they’re willing to provide. Since when was it okay to set aside your needs and stay quiet just because it might make asking feel uncomfortable?

We’ve all been in this situation where we love someone so much even though we need more from the relationship; we give up on asking for what it is that will keep us thriving because of the fear of rejection. In many cases, women find themselves accepting only what their man is willing to give because that alone should be enough to keep them happy. What if it isn’t enough? What if you truly need more from your partner to feel loved and secure in the relationship?

I see people all the time on social media who have settled in relationships and talk up a big game as if they are happy but then later that day they go and text a friend about how they wish their partner did more or less of something. Why don’t we speak up? Are we so afraid of being alone that we justify¬†why we still accept the bare minimum from someone? When two people are in a committed relationship, shouldn’t you be allowed to speak up if your needs aren’t being met?

Your relationship should be a two-way street; not a one sided road block with no signs of a clear path up ahead. This is an investment you’re making. You are devoting time, energy, and commitment to this person, so why should you not expect them to meet you in the middle, even if they have to take a bus or the fairy. If your partner isn’t jumping on board or reasoning with you to negotiate any kind of progressive solution, I’m not sure why you are standing there in the middle of the road welcoming a bus to run you over time and time again.

If you need to see your significant other more than once or twice a week, but they have excuses for having to do other things, when will you say enough is enough and find someone who is willing to spend more time with you? If you don’t like the way your significant other talks to you when friends and family are around, but they continue to do it, when will you pull the plug and walk away?

If you let people treat you like dirt, they will continue to treat you like dirt.

You can’t control other people’s actions entirely, but you can set out firm guidelines to what you will and will not accept. If my boyfriend did someone that I didn’t like, I would tell him. If he did something that I thought was questionable, I would confront him. If I wasn’t fond of the way he talked to me, I would let him know. When you continue to take everything that is thrown at you and do nothing about it, those stones are going to keep on coming. You have to put your foot down and stand firm in what you need out of the relationship. If you do this and nothing changes, your best bet is to create some distance and begin thinking of other options. This doesn’t mean you need to break up, it just means you have to find a way to make sure your needs are being met so you can be truly happy.

  • Know your non-negotiables
  • Explain the reasons why you feel a certain way or need something to change with your partner
  • Don’t nag or complain to your partner– just lay out your expectations and needs in the relationships
  • Be clear when you communicate but don’t overwhelm them with long drawn out texts
  • Give them incentives and make it a two-way street– show positive reinforcement
  • Check yourself when it comes to asking for more from your partner– if they have a heavy work load and you’re demanding they spend more time with you maybe you should pick up a hobby or productive activity for a few weeks until your partners schedule clears up, then revisit the discussion

When women want more they typically give more and that’s where we go wrong. Make him miss you rather than smother him. Men are natural born hunters. They want to chase you– that is if they really want you around. Give him a little space after you let him know what it is you need more or less of in the relationship so he can sit with it and come back to you when he’s ready to give you what you need. If he is unwilling to step up to the plate or make a change, or even apologize then you’ve got yourself a real doozer.

If the changes you want to make in the relationship are not comparable¬†with your significant other then maybe you need to take some time apart and reassess your goals. Some would say it’s easier to stay in a relationship than to break up and jump back into the dating pool. Who wants to do that anyway? Personally, I don’t like dating. I like being in a relationship with someone who I can trust and rely on. I like being with someone who I know and who knows me. I’m not a fan of the dating game at all. BUT if you are stuck in a rut with the one you love, you need to do something about it so you don’t wake up in 10 years and wonder what the heck you did with this person who clearly doesn’t honor you as a person.

We all deserve love and happiness. We deserve someone who will give us the world. We just tend to cut people a bit too much slack because we love them and want to be with them, but if they are not willing to change their ways about something that means a lot to you, how long are you going to carry on down this road of strain and uncertainty?

Please feel free to leave any questions or comments in the section below. Share this with your friends to help encourage them to pick their soft butt off the ground and stand for what they deserve. Life is too short to not get what you want. XO

Image via Unsplash

Comments

  1. lisa long

    wow what a wake up call for me I just spent the past 3 years loving this guy gave him my all supported him and his dreams loved him unconditionally only for him to dump me for another woman for no reason gave me a speech about its him not me but I did what you stated I smothered him with love always forgave his wrong doing and rarely complained about my needs not being met my heart is broken but I will be alright

    1. Post
      Author
      Jennifer McDougall

      Yes! You will be alright. This experience was put in place to teach you something worthwhile. No matter how difficult or painful the experience may be, do your best to find the positive in the outcome. You can now move on freely with your life and hope you do choose to do that or whatever best suits your well-being. HUGS

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