Have you ever had someone stop talking, texting, calling, or Instagramming you out of nowhere? If yes, then you know how painful being ghosted truly is. For me, it all happened when suddenly he became busier than usual, spending more time watching basketball and spending time “working on himself.” The moment before everything changed, I was starring right into his eyes, dead quiet, and was thinking to myself how madly wild about this guy I was. I adored him. I knew he was moving away, but at that moment, I wanted things to stay like that forever and be together for years later. That isn’t the case, nor shall I feel offended by it.
The truth is, I realize this guy wasn’t that into me. If he were, he wouldn’t have ghosted me. If he liked me, he would be trying to spend as much time with me as possible before he moves. Heck maybe even consider not moving at all. LADIES, if a guy is into you, he will do whatever it takes to keep you in his life. He will call you. He will text you. If you ignore him, he will show up at your house with flowers. Men don’t play games. Little boys who don’t know how to communicate and show courtesy and respect play games properly.
If the guy you were dating suddenly went MIA, chances are it’s time for you to take a huge step back and look at what possibly went wrong and admitting to yourself that this issue is much bigger than you. This is about him. He ghosted you because he is distracted with other things in his life that do not involve you, and he doesn’t plan to have you involved with, so there you go. Move on.
The hardest part for me in all of this ghostliness has been the the shot to my self-esteem. This guy has made me feel like I’m something to easily brush off, sleep with, then forget about. I was vulnerable and opened my heart to him as I invested time and energy into something that I felt was a mutual connection. I’m now realizing I give too much of myself to people before they prove they are worthy of the investment I have to make in giving my heart away.
Look, I struggle enough as it is with feeling good enough and crave the warmth of acceptance from other people to reassure me that I am loved and cared about. The problem with ghosting someone is you leave them feeling completely used, unaccounted for, not good enough to deserve an explination of your departure and then lack there of for any kind of apology for leaving you this way.
I’ve cried pretty much every day this past week. It’s been rough. The nights are the hardest and I haven’t been able to sleep. I miss him, but I know if he cared to see me or talk to me, he would. I’m doing everything I know how to do to build myself back up and keep myself from crumbling over this whole thing.
If you need a little comfort right now, check out these six fantastic tips that have worked for me and I hope will help you too.
- Do not stalk him on social media. In fact, unfollow him and do not go searching for his name like a crazy person obsessing over what the heck he is up to, who he is with and desperately seeking clues into what’s going on with him right now. Let it go.
- Work on yourself for yourself. Spend a little more time at the gym. Eat healthier and stay hydrated. Ditch the alcohol, especially during this time of grief, to prevent you from regrettably texting him and making a desperate fool of yourself. You are better than that!
- Start a new book and distract your mind, pass the time, and take a mental vacation away from this trainwreck of a situation this guy has left you in.
- Get creative and use self-expression to release your emotions. Feel what you feel. Be real with how you feel. Talk to your friends and family about what you’re going through. Write about it. Do not be ashamed of someone blocking you out. They are doing this because maybe you were being super annoying, they got back with their ex, they are moving away and never want to speak to you again, they need time for themselves to reevaluate how they feel about you, they checked into rehab, or maybe they are away on a wellness retreat. The possibilities are endless but what’s important right now is that you steer away from focusing on him and use that pain you’re feeling for your benefit. Use your pain to create.
- Remember: EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO YOU IS FOR YOUR BENEFIT. So what if he doesn’t like you the way you liked him? There is someone incredibly perfect for you waiting, hoping, praying, for someone like you to come along and swoop you right off your feet, giving you the tender love and care that you deserve.
- Focus on healing your mind, body, and spirit to help you breakthrough and overcome hurdles stopping you from being your best possible self. As we heal, we begin attracting people who are more aligned with our path and mindset. The goal is to learn from and grow through every experience, relationship, trauma, pain, and heartache. You will get through this difficult period in your life and it will make you a stronger person.
This may sound odd to you, but there is a lot of good that comes out of being ghosted. You no longer have to worry or wonder if they like you because well, they ghosted you, so chances are, they aren’t feeling it. Another plus to this is that it pushes you to focus on yourself and redirect all that energy you were putting into the wrong person back into yourself. Soon you will see, this was all for your benefit!